Chapter 2: Capcom vs. Midway-Konami
(Ryu and Ken are driving to the club in
the Escalade imitating the “Night at the Roxbury” guys)
Radio: “What is love, lady don’t
hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!”
Ryu: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, that movie
sucked!”
Miguel: “You have no appreciation
for comedy Ryu.”
Ryu: “Yeah I do, I just didn’t
like that movie, and this song sucks too!”
Ken: “Then change the station, the
author doesn’t have to do it!”
Ryu (grumbles): “Fine.”
(Ryu changes the radio station, the song
“Hey Ya!” by Outkast begins to play, and Ryu and Ken bob their heads to the beat.)
Miguel: “Ok now, let’s get
back to the story.”
(Ryu and Ken arrive at the club shortly,
after the parking the car, they both head towards the entrance where the bouncer, Bowser (from Super Mario), stops them at
the entrance.)
Bowser: “Hold up, you two have to
pay before you come in, there is two of you right?”
Ken: “Correct, me and my friend here.”
Bowser: “Ok, that’ll be four
thousand zenny.”
Ken: “Only four thousand zenny, that’s
no problem.”
Author’s Note: For those of you who
don’t know, zenny is the currency in Mega Man Battle Network.
(Ken hands Bowser four one thousand zenny
pieces, he looks at Ken in amazement.)
Bowser: “What the hell are you, some
spoiled rich kid punk?”
Ken: “Take out the spoiled and punk
parts and you got that right fat shit turtle.”
Bowser: “My name is Bowser! Not fat
shit turtle!”
Ryu and Ken: “Whatever fat shit turtle.”
(Ryu and Ken enter the club; Bowser gets
up to confront them until the owner of the club gets in his face.)
Owner: “Bowser, don’t hassle
the customers unless they start trouble.”
Bowser (sobbing): “But they called
me fat shit turtle.”
Owner: “I don’t care, live
with it or you’re fired!”
(Bowser sits down all pissed off.)
Bowser: “Damn fucking punks, I need
to blow off some steam!”
(Bowser sees Dan loitering in front of
the club; he sneers evilly as he sees his chance to blow off some steam.)
Bowser: “Hey no loitering punk!”
(Bowser breathes fire at Dan, Dan screams like a ten-year-old girl and runs away.)
Dan: “Oyaji!”
Bowser: “That better not be an insult
or I’ll toast your ass even worse!”
(Meanwhile, Ryu and Ken walk around in
the club looking for Chun-Li and Sakura. Bright multi-colored lights fill the club as they see a lot of people either drinking
or dancing. “In Da Club” by 50 Cent is playing in the background. Eventually, Ryu and Ken find the girls and sit
down at their table.)
Ryu: “Hey guys.”
Sakura: “We’re not guys, we’re
girls.”
Ryu: “I’m aware of that.”
(The four sit at the table and begin to
converse. Later on they see Rolento F Schugerg stumbling around the club piss drunk and laughing like a sick hyena.)
Chun-Li: “Isn’t there a day
where Rolento doesn’t get drunk?”
Ken: “Obviously not.”
Ryu: “Let’s go get some beers.”
Ken: “Ok, we’ll be right back
ladies.”
(Ryu and Ken head over to the bar in the
club, the bartender Gogo (from Final Fantasy VI) looks up from cleaning the shot glasses and heads over to the front counter.)
Gogo: “Whaddaya want?”
Ryu: “Four beers please.”
(Gogo goes to get the beers, all of a sudden
Chiaki Kuriyama (Go-go from Kill Bill Vol. 1) heads over to the bar, she is very drunk and begins hitting on Gogo.)
Chiaki (slurred): “Do you want to
screw me?”
(Flashback to when Gogo saw Kill Bill Vol.
1, he sees the part where Chiaki castrates the perverted drunk guy and kills him, Gogo turns around, lifts up his mask, and
pukes on the person behind him.)
Gogo: “I think I’m gonna be
sick.”
Puked on person: “I think you already
are sick.”
(Flashback ends.)
Gogo: “No way, I’ve seen that
movie, you aint cutting off my dick and killing me you crazy bitch!”
Chiaki: “No I really want you to
screw me, I’m horny.”
Gogo: “Ok.”
(Gogo drags Chiaki into the men’s
bathroom.)
Ryu: “You know that’s against
company rules right?”
Gogo (from inside the bathroom): “Fuck
you!”
Ken: “I think he knows, and I don’t
think he cares.”
(Ken and Ryu grab the beers and take them
back to their table; they open their beers and then do the “Man Show Toast”)
Ryu and Ken: “Ziggy socky! Ziggy
socky! Hoy! Hoy! Hoy!”
(A very pissed off Adam Corolla and Jimmy
Kimmel walk out)
Adam: “You stole our lines bitch!”
Jimmy: “We’ll kick your ass
for that!”
Ken: “Hey, you guys don’t host
the Man Show anymore, shouldn’t it be Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope pissed off at us for doing your toast?”
Adam: “Oh yeah, let’s go kick
their asses.”
Jimmy: “Yeah, they’re sucky
ass hosts.”
(Adam and Jimmy leave. Ryu, Ken, Chun-Li,
and Sakura finish their beers, after a while Ryu drags Sakura onto the dance floor and begins dancing with her, Chun-Li and
Ken sit down at their table and watch their friends dance.)
Chun-Li: “They sure make a good couple,
don’t they?”
Ken: “I’ll say; Ryu has someone
who respects him for who he is.”
Chun-Li: “You wanna dance?”
Ken: “With you?”
Chun-Li: “Whom else would I be talking
about?”
Ken: “Sure.”
(Ken and Chun-Li go onto the dance floor
and start dancing together. After about ten minutes, Rolento stumbles back onto the dance floor more drunk than before and
blows chunks all over Chun-Li’s dress.)
Chun-Li: “Aw sick Rolento! Learn
moderation!”
Ken: “Thanks for killing the mood
ass wipe!”
Rolento: “You’re welcome.”
Ryu: “He was being sarcastic man.”
Rolento: “Oh yeah, well screw you
too, I’ll…(passes out.)
Ryu: “Man, I guess we better take
him home.”
Chun-Li: “Yeah I need to get home
too and wash up.”
Ken: “Ok, we’ll see you two
tomorrow, careful in driving home.”
Sakura: “We’ll be careful,
good night you guys.”
(They all leave the club. Flash forward
to Friday night, it’s the football game against Midway-Konami University, fourth quarter, score is tied 21-21. Midway-Konami
has the ball on the 50-yard line. Quarterback Solid Snake calls out a play. Midway-Konami wide receiver Johnny Cage taunts
the Capcom defense.)
Cage: “Needle dick! Needle dick!
Needle dick!”
(The ball is snapped to Snake, he passes
the ball to Johnny Cage, from out of nowhere, Adam Sandler runs onto the football field in the uniform he wore in the movie
“The Waterboy” and tackles Cage causing an incomplete pass.)
Sandler: “Your name is needle dick!”
Miguel: “I had to throw in a Waterboy
reference, I loved that movie!”
(Adam Sandler leaves, surprisingly no penalty
is called. 2nd and 10, Snake receives the ball again, he throws the ball, Mavado is the guy he’s passing
it to, the ball is intercepted by Thunder Hawk and he runs it all the way to the 30-yard line before being forced out of bounds.)
Haggar: “Good job T. Hawk, now let’s
get out there and win this!”
(The Capcom offense takes the field, Ryu
calls a play, and the ball is snapped to him, he passes the ball to Ken who runs the ball to the 20-yard line before being
tackled. 2nd and 10, Ryu calls another play, the ball is once again snapped back to him, he gives it to Guile,
Midway-Konami defenseman Sub-Zero freezes Guile, a penalty flag is thrown onto the field.)
Sub-Zero: “Aw man, what now?”
Referee: “Illegal maneuver, number
00, defense, 10 yard penalty, first down!”
Sub-Zero: “Shit!”
(1st and 10 on the 10-yard line,
Ryu calls a huddle.)
Ryu: “Ok, I’m gonna have Fei
Long run the ball into the end zone, it’s the rest of you guys’ job to cover him, you all got that?”
(The sound of snoring is heard, Fei Long
is asleep in the huddle.)
Ryu: “Fei Long wake up!” (Ryu
slaps Fei Long on the head.)
Fei Long: “Ouch! What?”
(Ryu repeats the play to Fei Long, the
offense takes their positions on the field, and the ball is snapped back to Ryu, he gives the ball to Fei Long. Fei Long begins
to run with all his might as the others block the defenders, however Midway-Konami defender, Kabal, is coming up on Fei Long
fast, Fei Long dives into the end zone before Kabal can reach him. He scores a touchdown with no time left on the clock.)
Announcer: “Touchdown! Capcom wins!”
(The Capcom team begins to celebrate as
they all run to congratulate Fei Long, who is asleep in the end zone. Cody then dumps Gatorade on Coach Mike Haggar.)
Haggar: “AAAHHHHH! Why the hell did
you do that?”
Cody: “That’s what we always
do when we win a game.
Haggar: “Oh yeah! Still I hate it
when you do that!”
(The team continues to celebrate until
Haggar tells them all to go hit the showers, after that, everyone goes back to their dorms and goes to sleep because tomorrow
they’ll all be partying hard at Dee Jay’s party. Meanwhile, over in Ryu and Ken’s dorm, Ken can’t
sleep.)
Ken: “I can’t sleep.”
Miguel: “Take some Nyquil.”
Ken: “I’m not sick!”
Miguel: “Oh, you have anything in
particular on your mind?”
Ken: “Yeah, I’ll just say through
my inner thoughts though, you can read them anyways because you’re the author.”
Miguel: “Be my guest.”
Ken (inner thoughts): “You know,
Ryu is right, Chun-Li is a perfect candidate for a serious girlfriend. She’s sweet, has class, smart, and isn’t
a gold digger or groupie. The only thing is it would feel weird dating my childhood friend, I don’t know what to do,
but I need to come up with an answer fast.”
Miguel: “Can you sleep now?”
Ken: “Yes thank you.” (Ken
goes to sleep.)
Miguel: “Well what a day, but what
will happen at the party? Will everyone have fun? Will Ken solve his dilemma? Will Rolento learn moderation? Stay tuned for
the next chapter of Capcom U!”
Author’s Note: That’s the second
chapter. I’m hoping you people reading this like it. Right now, I’m going to tell you people reading this for
the first time that this fic is going to be a Ken/Chun-Li pairing. Anyways, please read and review. Peace!
