Chapter 5: The Author’s Flute

(It’s Sunday morning at Capcom University, in Ryu and Ken’s dorm, Ryu and Ken are sleeping, and they had a hard night of partying last night. The alarm clock goes off and the music blared really loud, causing Ryu and Ken to fall out of their beds.)

Ryu: “Ken did you turn the alarm clock up?”

Ken: “No! I didn’t even turn it on.”

Miguel: “I did, don’t you two spar in the gym every Sunday?”

Ryu: “Oh yeah, today is Sunday.”

Ken: “Well duh, yesterday was Saturday.”

(Ken grabs his towel and gi and runs into the bathroom while Ryu sits in bed rubbing his eyes.)

Ryu: “Hey that was sneaky!”

Ken: “So what, you stink up the bathroom when you shower.”

Ryu: “Damn it, he’s right.”

(A few minutes later, Ryu and Ken are in the gym ready to begin their sparring session, Ryu in his trademark white gi and Ken in his trademark red gi warm up and prepare to spar, a small crowd slowly shifts over to Ryu and Ken.)

Dee Jay: “This is great early morning entertainment.)

E. Honda: “Yes it is, no questions asked.”

T. Hawk and Dhalsim: “True, true.”

(Ryu and Ken start off sparring with one another, neither of their attacks connecting with one another for quite a while. Finally they both end up hitting each other at the same time. Ryu and Ken jump back, laugh, and then go at it again. About five minutes later, Dan runs into the gym, ruining the sparring session.)

Dan: “You guys! You guys! You guys! You aren’t going to believe this!”

M. Bison: “Go away loser, don’t make me hang you from the flagpole on my day off!”

Bass: “Nigga you take days off?”

M. Bison: “Yeah, it’s in my daily planner, look!”

(M. Bison shows Bass his daily planner, in it is says Monday thru Saturday: Hang Dan from flagpole. Sunday: Day off.)

Bass: “G, I’d hang that muthafucka from the flagpole every fucking day bitch!”

Mega Man: “Let’s just let Dan say what he has to say.”

M. Bison and Bass (groaning): “Oh all right.”

Ken: “So what did you have to say Dan?”

Dan: “Well, Guile and Hinata got arrested for indecent exposure last night.”

Ryu: “Is that all?”

Dan: “No, I also wanted to say that I’m going to be on Blind Date.”

Ken: “No way!”

Dan: “Yes way Ted, oops, I mean Ken.”

(Dan pulls out a letter he got in the mail that says that he will appear on the television show “Blind Date” all the guys just gaze in awe.)

Bass: “I pity the girl who has to date this fool!”

(Mr. T walks into the gym and punches Bass out.)

Mr. T: “I pity the fool who steals my lines!”

(Mr. T leaves.)

M. Bison: “I don’t believe this, if the girl agrees to go on a second date with you, I’ll let you hang me from the flagpole!”

Dan: “It’s a deal!”

Ryu: “Ok now, let’s get back to our sparring session.)

Dan: “Hey, let me spar with you guys.)

(Dan does his Super Taunt, Ryu and Ken just look at him weirdly.)

Ryu: “Hadoken!”

Dan: “Too easy to dodge!”

(Dan jumps over the Hadoken only to see Ken ready to attack him while he is still airborne.)

Ken: “Shoryuken!”

Dan (goes flying through the gym wall): “Oyaji!”

Ken: “None of us here is your daddy.”

(Dan goes sailing for a while until his body crashes into a tree, Mega Man’s dog, Rush, runs up to Dan and begins pissing in his mouth, Dan screams in disgust as everyone else starts laughing at Dan and taunting him. Rush does the Scooby Doo laugh.)

Auto: “Damn it, now I have to fix the gym wall, I’m a mechanic, not an architect, shit!”

(I use my author powers to fix the wall.)

Auto: “Thanks Miguel!”

Kyosuke (looking at Dan getting pissed on): “Let’s hope his date goes better than that.”

Rush: “Remember kids, it’s better to be pissed off than to be pissed on.” (Scooby laugh)

Miguel: “Look guys, I have to go back to maintaining order in this fic, but before I go, I want to give you this.”

(I give Ryu a small flute)

M. Bison: “How come he gets the flute?”

Miguel: “Because him and Ken are the main characters.”

(Ryu blows on the flute, a Moogle runs up to Ryu.)

Moogle: “Can I help you, kupo?

Miguel: “Whoops, wrong flute, we don’t need anything.”

Moogle: “Don’t call me if you don’t need me. Kupo!”

Miguel (digging through a closet filled with various noisemakers): “Where did I put that flute?”

Demitri (grabs a small blue ocarina): “What is this piece of shit?”

(Link walks into the gym.)

Link: “Hey that’s my ocarina asshole!”

(Link beats up Demitri, and walks off with his ocarina.)

Felicia (blows on a whistle, no sound comes out): “I think this one is broken.”

Miguel: “That’s a whistle only dogs can hear Felicia.”

Felicia: “Oh shit!” (Meows)

(A bunch of dogs burst into the gym and start chasing Felicia.)

Miguel: “Ah, here it is, the Author’s Flute.”

Ken: “Author’s Flute?”

Miguel: “Yes, aside from parties and other certain events, I’ll only show up when needed, blow on this flute if you need me, ok.”

Ryu: “So you’re just gonna be some ominous voice again?”

Miguel: “Precisely.”

Ken: “Ok then, see ya around man!”

Miguel: “Peace!”

(I leave. Flash forward to Monday in Dr. Light’s class. Everyone in class is waiting for Dr. Light to show up. Ryu and Sakura are making out, Demitri is trying to coax Morrigan into having sex with him, Mega Man, Zero, and Maki are studying, Ken and Chun-Li are discussing where to go for their date, and so on. All of a sudden, Firebrand stumbles into the classroom highly stoned. He waddles over to a potted plant and thinking it’s Mega Man, begins talking to it.)

Firebrand: “Hey Mega Man, what’s up? Quiet today aren’t you? You sure feel leafy today, are you using your Leaf Shield?”

Mega Man: “Firebrand, I’m over here, you’re talking to a plant.”

Firebrand: “Whoa, you mean this plant is another you Mega Man?”

Mega Man: “No, that’s not me, that is just a plant.”

Firebrand: “Oh I don’t know what’s going on.”

Mega Man: “You’re in class Firebrand, and it’s about to start.”

(Firebrand plops down into his seat and mumbles something incoherent.)

Morrigan: “Stupid stoner.”

(The bell rings, Dr. Light walks into the class, once again, he takes out his lesson plan.)

Dr. Light: “Ok class, I’m going to pass out copies of these books, and we’re going to read the first chapter and discuss it.”

(As Dr. Light passes out books, Zangief gets out of his seat, pulls out a bottle of vodka from his backpack, opens the bottle, walks over to Maki, and pours the bottle of vodka down Maki’s pants.)

Maki: “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! What the hell?”

Dr. Light: “Zangief, can you explain what you’re doing with that vodka?”

(Zangief says something in Russian, since he doesn’t speak English.)

Dr. Light: “Huh?”

Guts Man: “Zangief said that where he’s from, it’s a college tradition to pour vodka down the pants of a nerd.”

Dr. Light: “How did you understand him?”

Guts Man: “I’m his friend, I need to be able to understand him.”

Dr. Light: “Well Zangief, while that may be acceptable where you’re from, it’s not acceptable here, I’ll have to send you to Dean Akuma’s office.”

(Zangief says something in Russian and then leaves the classroom.)

Guts Man: “He said “Ah shit” Dr. Light.”

(Dr. Light finishes passing out his books and the class begins reading from the book. Flash-forward to Saturday night, Capcom beat Namco in the football game on Friday, winning big time 35-7, it was a slaughterhouse. Right now, in Ryu and Ken’s dorm room, Ken is getting ready for his date with Chun-Li.)

Ryu: “Well, this is a big date for you Ken.”

Ken: “You always say that whenever I go on a date.”

Ryu: “But this time it really is big, you’re dating our childhood friend.”

Ken: “I know I hope things go all right.”

Ryu: “I’m sure they will, best of luck to you buddy.”

Ken: “Thanks, see ya later man.”

(Ryu and Ken tap fists as a show of respect; Ken then leaves his dorm room.)

Miguel: “Ok then, what is going to happen next? Will Ken’s date with Chun-Li go off without a hitch? How will Dan’s stint on Blind Date go? Will Zangief learn English? Stay tuned for the next chapter of Capcom U!”

Author’s Note: Once again another chapter finished, but man am I tired, I guess work does that to you. Anyways, I’m off to write the next chapter. Please read and review, peace!